I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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