I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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