kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you win again, gameday.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
