I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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