We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
