Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
