ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
