I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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