I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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