Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
