Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
