I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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