he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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