I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
