and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
