At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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