I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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