do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
