i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
