Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
