Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
