i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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