Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
