i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
