You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There r osticjed everywhere
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
