We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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