I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
