Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
