Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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