it was like eating out sand paper
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
