i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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