How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
