I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
