Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
