did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
