Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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