nut hugger
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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