Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
