i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
