toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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