Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I believe in your delicious
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
