I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
