I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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