i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
