Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
