I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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