if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
