Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
