I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
