Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
