If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
