Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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