I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
