remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
