Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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