clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
