okay pat passed out under dana's car
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize