either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
