it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
this beer tastes like vomit already
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
