I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
