the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
