If i come over, it means nothing
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
