You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
