be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
