i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
