U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
