next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
