so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
