You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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