He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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