Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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