I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
