at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
