I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Boobs are out for the taking
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
