wat bout pragnant strippers??
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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