i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
