Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
