so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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