i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize