i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
