I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
