i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
