Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
