okay pat passed out under dana's car
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
