I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
