idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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