I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
home. puking in laundry basket.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
